Please, remember me

Trapeze Swinger- Iron and Wine
everyone needs to give this song a good listen at least once in their life. Once will lead to a few times will lead to it settling in your bones forever.


Please, remember me
Happily
By the rosebush laughing
With bruises on my chin
The time when
We counted every black car passing
Your house beneath the hill
And up until
Someone caught us in the kitchen
With maps, a mountain range,
A piggy bank
A vision too removed to mention
But

Please, remember me
Fondly
I heard from someone you're still pretty
And then
They went on to say
That the pearly gates
Had some eloquent graffiti
Like 'We'll meet again'
And 'Fuck the man'
And 'Tell my mother not to worry'
And angels with their gray
Handshakes
Were always done in such a hurry
And

Please, remember me
At Halloween
Making fools of all the neighbors
Our faces painted white
By midnight
We'd forgotten one another
And when the morning came
I was ashamed
Only now it seems so silly
That season left the world
And then returned
And now you're lit up by the city
So

Please, remember me
Mistakenly
In the window of the tallest tower call
Then pass us by
But much too high
To see the empty road at happy hour
Leave and resonate
Just like the gates
Around the holy kingdom
With words like 'Lost and Found' and 'Don't Look Down'
And 'Someone Save Temptation'
And

Please, remember me
As in the dream
We had as rug-burned babies
Among the fallen trees
And fast asleep
Aside the lions and the ladies
That called you what you like
And even might
Give a gift for your behavior
A fleeting chance to see
A trapeze
Swing as high as any savior
But

Please, remember me
My misery
And how it lost me all I wanted
Those dogs that love the rain
And chasing trains
The colored birds above there running
In circles round the well
And where it spells
On the wall behind St. Peter's
So bright with cinder gray
And spray paint
'Who the hell can see forever?'
And

Please, remember me
Seldomly
In the car behind the carnival
My hand between your knees
You turn from me
And said 'The trapeze act was wonderful
But never meant to last'
The clown that passed
Saw me just come up with anger
When it filled with circus dogs
The parking lot
Had an element of danger
So

Please, remember me
Finally
And all my uphill clawing
My dear
But if i make
The pearly gates
Do my best to make a drawing
Of G-d and Lucifer
A boy and girl
An angel kissin on a sinner
A monkey and a man
A marching band
All around the frightened trapeze swingers

Na-na
Na-na-na
Na-na
Na-na...

fractured organs

um... what the fuck, pray tell, is going? Am i just emitting pheromones this week and last? In the past two weeks I've spoken with every single past boyfriend, with the exception of one who is now married, apparently, but will message me before long I'm sure. And they have all admitted to withholding some embers of feelings for me. I'm freaking out. Who am I to have some jackpot, to where I could virtually take my pick of past and present options? Knowing that choosing any single one will ultimately both make and break me. I don't want such freedom. Maybe it would be a lot easier if there really was only one person for each of us, that we were destined to find them and live happily ever after. I only see broken hearts in my future.

I hate my job.

It's true. I could never work in retail, least not the customer end of retail for very long. I almost had a mental break down today... and it wasn't even an excessively hard day. It's just like as soon as I walk into that god damn store my life gets set on repeat for the next 8 hours. As soon as I get done with something I turn around and do the exact same thing again.... and again.... and again... and it's not like it's factory work, where you make some and it moves along and you make something again.... no. You're redoing everything you've already done.... again and again... get the monotony of it all? This is single handedly this most unproductive job i've ever had the displeasure of being part of. It makes me want to yell at small children, just to see them cry... so I can laugh. I hate it. It's so uncreative. I don't understand how people have made a career out this... 12, 25 years... i'd kill myself... or someone else. This thought grates on me everytime I walk in the door. The holiday season isn't even here yet. FUCK. Granted todayi was already a little stressed out before I even made it in... but something about the whole place made me feel bat shit insane. I'm seriously going to ask my doctor about getting something to chill me out a little bit... I thought I was finished being angry at the world... but this seriously doesn't feel like the teenage angst "why me" shit I felt years ago... This is me trying to figure out if today is the day I'm really going to snap.

Something must be done.

Ray LaMontagne

has the voice of an angel. I could seriously listen to him read the phone book in that raspy, heart wrenching voice. Saw him at the Ryman with Jay last night. It was phenomenal. He's pitch and performance perfect. It was obvious he cared more about the listening experience than asthetics, simply form the stage set up. we mostly only saw his side or back through the show, but he explained that it was so we weren't getting extra noise from the rest of the band through his mic. I'll take it. It was better than Damien Rice. Who was amazing! Show's like this are so intimate; they really leave a mark on you.

The whole day was wonderful actually. We had a blast. Saw an alright western called Apaloosa, ate some german food, then the show. I must admit, our timing is impeccable. We never has to wait long for anything. I'm an exellent planner when I want to be. Too bad I can't apply the same to other facets of my life, like school, or work or something.

I've happened upon some major inner conflict. I'm worried again for the first time in a long while. I've gotten myself into a situation where it is no longer just myself on the line. I miss my old self, the me that was a year and a half ago, the me that was free to do pretty much whatever I wanted. Sometimes I think I should have just stayed on campus. Stayed in PFT. I'd have more money, still be socialable. But it seems i go head first into whatever it is i decide to do, and then I spend a while trying to get my feet back under me. I've really nothing to complain about right now.... it's just that, well, I'm the kind of person that always sees the better in the things I don't have... and then I want them... and try to get them...

i'm nothing but trouble. but being good is no fun.

WTF????

Our teacher had his graduate assistant send us a pdf copy of HOW TO BE A GOOD WIFE. Granted I missed class on Wednesday and Monday (we had a guest speaker so it didn't really matter) But I'm failing to see how it would apply to any Business Psychology class, whose goal is to get us prepared for the real business world and have a successful life within business polotics. I'm baffled, and somewhat amused and offended at the same time. I sent an email asking the assistant to explain the context in which the file was meant or used in class. I'm still awaiting HER reply.

Granted it is from a 1950's textbook, but it came with no other body other that "Dr. Canjemi thought this would be useful to you all" I'm waiting for the punchline.

If you would like to see the file click here!

Some long awaited pictures from greece

Day late... ok more like a couple months

wrote this in greece on the way up the mountains.


So close you can almost breath another atmosphere
Hold your breath
Reach out to the stars
Infinity is not enough to count them all
Let them drip through your fingers
Into the sea
Don't hold on, least condensed air
Burn a scar for your soul
Restless mangled flesh
Would do good to forget
It is only awe that steals the oxygen.













I think I've lost my touch.